


Zombies, Captain America, And One Bed

by justkillthetitan



Series: Eruri Week 2019 [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Attempt at Humor, But he knows, Eruri Week, Eruri Week 2019, Happy Ending, Humor, M/M, Not Beta Read, Pining, Sharing a Bed, levi pining really hard, no zombiewin sorry, there is a lot captain america here, too many mentions of movies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-26 00:15:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20380492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justkillthetitan/pseuds/justkillthetitan
Summary: Okay Levi, man up. Don't make it weird. Say something."What a shitty weather." Goodnight. Levi only needed to say goodnight. But he didn't.Eruri Week 2019.Day 3: Only One Bed.





	Zombies, Captain America, And One Bed

**Author's Note:**

> This is like my third attempt at humor and I will never stop until I write something good. No Zombie!Erwin because I don't know how to make it work.

Levi was an atheist. He didn't believe in all that God bullshit that has been shoved down your throat for years and years. God didn't exist, but if he did, he would be shaking his head so hard he might has well twist his neck by accident and die. Maybe that happened many years ago, and that explains their current situation.

Seriously, who in their creative fucking mind thought zombies were the way to go? No one but Russians. Well, Levi could perfectly picture a Russian scientist developing a zombie virus for fun. So yeah, take away some of his kudos.

Back to zombies.

They look great on screen, far away from reality, but not in your doorstep at five in the afternoon in a work day. If you work on Starbucks at seven in the morning, this might be normal for you. Not for anyone else.

So, when those shitty bastards invaded the school where he worked in as a janitor, Levi had taken his ever trustworthy broom and beat the shit out of any death bag of meat that tried to devour his tiny little self. He was short enough to be robbed two inches of his small height. Levi was not an idiot, and neither was any of the people he had befriended in those many years working there. Soon enough, a group of shitty brats, teachers, and Levi himself were running off in a yellow school bus, leaving behind idiotic brainless idiots.

Erwin had taken command right away, finally demonstrating to everyone who should had been the one in charge of the school instead of that idiot man named Erick who thought he was better than anyone else just because he wore a fancy suit and did nothing on his working hours. He was also the man that didn't know what the fuck to do at the emergency of death cannibals eating the children he was supposed to take care of. Granted, the school didn't had a protocol for that, but everyone has seen _ Dawn of the Death _.

With Erwin everything was a shit colored in rainbow. Perfect with strategies and inspiring pessimist and suicidal millennials, the man could had been a commander in another life. Thanks to him, they were still alive and whole. No limbs lying around, or idiotic deaths like in TV.

You might think that living in a world where _ The Walking Death _ is real, yet we use human power such as military, agricultural, and construction equipment to its fullest, and where fences do work like they are suppose to, and yet this brainless idiots didn't succumbed to decay because of course the crazy scientist that invented them would upgrade his whatever-it-had-been to be decay-proof somehow, was the strangest thing you could possibly experience. Because Levi couldn't think about anything weirder than that, not even naked, giant human-eating monsters. But it wasn't.

Because Levi did not only possessed the social skills of a chihuahua and lived in a zombie apocalypse, but because he was _ sharing a bed with Erwin Smith. _

Let me give you a little bit of context that will make you understand such tragedy in Levi's life. Erwin Smith had the looks of Captain America in _ Civil War._ Tall, strong, golden blond hair, ridiculous attractive facial structure. He was, as kids call it this days, a hottie. And Levi was a homosexual for him.

A hardcore homosexual for Erwin Smith, highlight that and engraved that on his tombstone. Erwin Smith check each and every single box on Levi's 'Perfect Men List' in both physical and personality categories. Which would had been enough to marry the man. Except that he didn't know if Erwin liked him like that. In the homosexual way. 

Erwin might as well be attracted to a cactus because he has no partner and has never show any interest in anyone in the time they had known each other. Which was for about four years already. Three in school environment, one in death environment. And yes, Levi had managed to not only contained his attraction to the man for four years secret, but he had also maintain his constant attraction to Erwin Smith for four full years. This is the longest time Levi had been interest in anyone. That only made the whole thing even more pathetic. 

Moving on to the important matter, in one whole year of fighting for their lives, Levi had never felt the impulse of throwing himself to the ordeal of death, loud flesh-eating idiots. Not until sleeping arrangements had been given out.

Now, he could have said something about their sleeping arrangement. But one glance at his Captain America was the only thing he needed to stop himself from doing something idiotic. Like sleeping on the floor when they had managed to find a queen size bed decent enough to sleep in in such a private place. If Levi heard the wanking sound of one more teenager, he was gonna explode.

And before you little dirty mind people out there think about it, Levi was planning nothing more than sharing a bed with perfect blonde Captain America. He wasn't going to make things weird by flirting because, first of all, he couldn't flirt for the love of Dead God. If a zombie with weird kinks tried to make him flirt in order to save their group, everyone would be death. And second of all, he wasn't that much of a bastard. Yes, he was bossy around the young, and made shit jokes, and could be call rude from the snowflake perspective of others who didn't understand his way to be gentle and lack of will to live. A bastard, but never a perverted bastard. 

He was only going to enjoy the company, and the view. And what a view. What a man. 

Erwin was perfect. Everything about him was. From the way he furrowed his eyebrows, to the way he sat on a chair, to the way he prepared himself to go to bed. Carefully removing his clothes, the way he fold them and lay them down on the table. Yes, Levi stand a perfect, clean man.

Levi was shifting from looking straight up to the ceiling and giving himself the small freedom to steal glances of Almost Naked Erwin Smith. He didn't wanted to melt at the sight of Captain America, nor did he wanted to make things weird, but Dead God did Erwin's parents deserved an Oscar for Best Visuals. His creators didn't waste time with petty imperfections. Bless them.

And yes, he was pinning so hard because you would never find an ass like that anywhere. Chris Evans might be America's ass, but Erwin Smith was Humanity's ass. And Levi's personal motto was 'Go Big Or Go Home'.

And for now he was going home. 

Once Erwin had joined him on bed, Levi's brain cells started screaming. They didn't know what do, and they were dying by the second.

Do you ever look at someone and wonder, 'what is going on inside their head?' Panic. That's what was going on sinde Levi's head. Panic had locked everyone inside a closet, and was now in control of their command panel. 

Okay Levi, man up. Don't make it weird. Say something. 

"What a shitty weather." Goodnight. Levi only needed to say goodnight. But he didn't.

"Definitely not the most favorable weather," commented Captain America. A somewhat awkward silence set between them which only set Panic into more panic. 

"Do you think they are conscious?" Levi asked, still panicking. The need to filled the silence was overwhelming. 

"Who?"

"You know, the zombies. Do you think they are aware of what they are doing? Do you think they know how stupid they look with their disgusting yellow teeth walking around stealing brains?" Levi was rambling, and he knew he was rambling. He couldn't stop rambling. "I bet Captain America can kick their asses," Levi continued. "Of course he can. He got abbs out of nowhere and super strength just by injecting himself some good branded asteroids."

"I didn't know you liked Captain America," Erwin interrupted, which thank Dead God because Levi was so closed to say something stupid about asses. 

"I don't like him. Tony Stark is better, but I like the way he looks because any hunk man in spandex, or whatever his suits is made of, is up my alley. The amount of baby powder those guys use must be equal to ten babies a week. How can they even fight like that?"

"A lot practice and sheer will to do good?" Erwin responded. And Levi sweated to Dead God he could hear a smile on Erwin's lips, and if the sheer imagination of those rosy lips didn't make his stomach flip, Levi would be lying.

"Who knows. Don't get me started on their useless suits. If you are not bulletproof than there is no excuse to not bulletproof your suit. It doesn't matter if someone within three meters away from you shoots a hundred bullets and non land on you, that is the first thing someone with enough brain cells would do," Levi wanted to punch himself so hard to forget everything that he was saying. 

"Do you want to be a superhero?"

"Hell no, I would rather die than touch anyone else's fluids. Or its fluids for that matter," Levi replied disgusted. 

"You would look great in spandex," Erwin said, and oh it did things for Levi's imagination.

"My ass would look spectacular in spandex for your information," Levi said, the words barely registered in his mind. And maybe it was the mention assets, or maybe Levi's ass in particula, that was needed to put a stop to his stupid mouth once h was able to register them.

Then Erwin Perfect Ass Smith laugh. He laugh so loud the zombies from outside might have heard him. But it was a beautiful laugh. The kind of laugh that was deep and shook Erwin's chest. Levi would do anything to be able to touch that chest, preferably bare. 

"I would like to see that," Erwin said after he had calmed down. "You in a spandex suit, it might do more justice to your ass than those awful janitor pants you had to wear and your choice of wardrobe."

"There is nothing wrong with my wardrobe! I don't want to go around with the tightest jeans ever just so- Oh, do you want to see my ass?"

Suddenly Levi found Erwin's eyes glued to the ceiling. And it might be the darkness playing with his mind, but Erwin may or may not be blushing. Levi's sat up on the bed.

"Oh God, you do want to see my ass," it was a statement. 

"Oh, my apologies. I shouldn't have said that," Captain America said with that apologetic tone that he used to treat business. "The last thing I want is to make things awkward between us."

"But you do want to see my ass."

"As I was-"

"Shut up. Do you want to see my ass?"

The barely visible nod on Erwin's part made Levi fall into bed, laughing uncontrollably. If the zombies hadn't found their location with Erwin's laugh there was no doubt they would found them soon due to Levi's fit of laughter. If talking about asses would had bring such straight confession, Levi would had dropped his bomb of ass jokes. 

Now it was Erwin who sat down.

"Levi, I asked you that-"

"No… wait, shut up," Levi said between giggles. It took him around five minutes to decomposed himself, and he let another minute pass by while he thought about the way to phrase his next sentence. But when Erwin open his mouth to speak again, Levi interrupted him with the first thing that came to his mind. "I want to see your ass."

Levi could see the exact moment his words were registered by Erwin's mind. The man experienced several emotions. Fear, surprise, and excitement.

"Oh my god," said the blonde. Levi sat up on the bed, balancing himself with his knees to give himself extra height. "Since when?"

"Four years," he responded. Erwin groaned. "Wait, since when?"

"Uh, like a week after meeting you."

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh."

And the Levi punched him. He didn't punched him per se, he shoved him slightly. "Why didn't you told me?!" Levi demanded.

"I didn't know you were into me!" Erwin declared, shielding himself from Levi.

"You idiot! How am I not gonna be into you when you have a better ass than Captain America!"

That made Levi stopped his toddler attacked and send a dark shade of pink to his cheeks. On the other hand, Erwin was smirking.

"Better than Captain America?" He teased, and Levi had not intended to reveal his strong views on Erwin's ass. He rested his head against Erwin's chest, hiding away from the blue eyes.

"Tsk, yes, better than Captain America," Levi admitted. There was a few seconds of silence before Levi felt himself falling down, and soon he found himself lying against Erwin's chest.

"Is my ass the only thing you want?"

"I mean. Your ass is not the only thing I want, but for the sake of not dying of embarrassment let's leave it at that," Levi stated.

They both look at each other for a few seconds before a fit of laugh shook them to the core. They laugh for what it seems it be ages. Levi's stomach hurt, but their stupidity, and the way they had skirt around each other was too damn funny to not laugh to.

After ages of continuous laughing at their own dumbness, their laug died down.

"We are idiots," Levi said lowly.

"Huge idiots," Erwin responded. Levi, now more confident than ever, brought his lips against Erwin's in a surprise kiss.

The moment was almost perfect had the lifeless groans of flesh eating idiots not been playing in the background outside their window. But even then, it was definitely the best thing that ever happened in Levi's life, yet. Hopefully it was the same for Erwin. And by the way Levi's Captain America was kissing him back, tender and almost chessy, Levi was sure of it.

Hey, maybe a zombie apocalypse wasn't that crappy, and sharing one bed with his Captain America wasn't the worst thing that has happen in his life.


End file.
